1. IT, YOU'RE A METAL BAND

You're not fucking hardcore, you're not avant garde
You're not punk rock, you're just a fucking retard
You're not something special, you're not something new
You're not fucking good, face it you're a metal band


2. PUNCHING JOE BONNI'S FACE IN

In all your reviews you always talk about yourself
No one really cares how drunk or high you are
You always write about the dumbest fucking bands
It figures you live in allston
You try and take over everything you're involved in
You started a new column because your camera got broken
Are you gonna start a new column when i punch your face in?


3. KILL WOMEN

Kill women - die
Kill women - die
Kill women - die
Bitch

[Repeat]


4. STEROIDS GUY

[seth never got around to writing lyrics for this, but the chorus is:]

His mustache is big-but his muscles are bigger
His mustache is big-but his penis is smaller


5. EVERYONE IN ALLSTON SHOULD BE KILLED

Everyone in allston should be killed

That fucking faggot with the gaytee
That loser payphone junkie
That fucking fag, joe bonni
Everyone in toxic narcotic


6. I NOTICED THAT YOU'RE GAY

I saw you buying a pearl jam record,and i noticed that you're gay
I saw you hanging around in allston,and i noticed that you're gay
I saw you riding around on your rollerblades,and i noticed that you're gay
I saw you getting your tongue pierced,and i noticed that you're gay
I heard you spend all day on the internet,and i noticed that you're gay
I saw you drinking a frappucino,and i noticed that you're gay
I saw you wearing a fucking tree shirt,and i noticed that you're gay
You've got a tribal tattoo, and i noticed that you're gay


7. DEAD, GAY AND DROPPED

Shannon hoon,you're dead,kurt cobain,you're dead,jerry garcia,you're dead
Elton john,you're gay,joe bonni,you're gay,jm j bullock,you're gay
Bolt thrower,you're dropped,suffocation,you're dropped,napalm death,you're
Dropped

You're deader than sharon tate and her baby,you've swallowed more cum than
Rod stewart,you've sold less records than old lady drivers,you're dead,you're
Gay,you're dropped

Pedro zamora,you're dead,freddie mercury,you're dead,mr. Jessup,you're dead
Michael stipe,you're gay,quentin crisp,you're gay,fred schneider,you're gay
Sacred reich,you're dropped,cathedral,you're dropped,immolation,you're
Dropped

You're deader than rock hudson and liberace,you've swallowed more cum than
Truman capote,you've sold less records than candiru and dead world,you're
Dead,you're gay,you're dropped.


8. YOU LOOK DIVORCED

You look divorced (x2)

You've got that mopy look on your face,you're 3 months behind on your alimony
Payments
You're pissed off,you're ex married someone new,and you're also pissed of
Because he's a fucking jew

[Chorus:]
You look divorced (x4)

You sit in a bar,you're always pissed
You're number 4 on the deadbeat dad list
You're fired from your job because you're a fucking drunk
You'll never get her back because you're a fucking loser

[Chorus]


9. I HOPE YOU GET DEPORTED

First you fucked a nigger you ugly fucking whore
Ran out of men in canada and came here for more
You could shower all your life and you'd never get clean
Because you fucked someone that wore afro-sheen

[Chorus:]
I hope you get deported,you make me sick,i hope you get deported,you sucked a
Nigger's dick

You've got no life and you talk to your pets
I hate you so much i wan't to call the i.n.s.
You work at a snack bar and your father pays your rent
Over the border's where i hope you get sent

[Chorus]


10. Mike mahan has gingivitis

Mike mahan has gingivitis (x4)
Mike mahan (x4)


11. TRAPPED

(No lyrics available)


12. YOU'RE A FUCKING CUNT

You're fucking annoying and your band fucking sucks
Your boyfriend's an idiot and you're a fucking cunt
You think you're so important an wan't everyone to suck up
I hope you o.d. And die real soon cuz you're a fucking cunt
15 year kids don't care about animal's and women's rights
But you force it down thier throats,cuz you're a fucking cunt
Your writing's about as interesting as allen funt's
I hope you die,cuz you're a fucking cunt

You're,a,fucking,cunt

[repeat first 4 lines]

You're a fucking cunt (x4)


13. PHYLLIS IS AN OLD ANNOYING CUNT

You're a fucking cunt,you're old and dried up
You're a crusty old bitch, i hope you fucking die
You're an ugly bitch,you make me fucking sick
You're big fucking mouth,i'm sick of hearing it

[repeat first 2 lines]


14. A1 STANKUS IS ALWAYS ON THE PHONE WITH HIS BOOKIE

Al stankus is always on the phone with his bookie
Al stankus is always on the phone with his bookie
Al stankus is always on the phone with his bookie
Al stankus is always on the phone with his bookie

He's on the phone to puerto rico
He's on the phone to the dominican republic
He's always gambeling on college football games
He buys cards from tom lehman

Al stankus is always on the phone with his bookie
Al stankus is always on the phone with his bookie
Al stankus is always on the phone with his bookie
Al stankus is always on the phone with his bookie

He's on the phone to puerto rico
He's on the phone to the dominican republic
He's always gambeling on college football games
He buys cards from tom lehman


15. BILL SCOTT'S DUMB

[Chorus:]
Bill scott's dumb (x4)

You were brought up in a nudist colony
And you're also adopted too
You wear those gay pink shorts
And your dog shits all over the floor

[Chorus]

You,fell down the stairs,and your dog,licked your balls
You,have an awesome job,but you're,always broke
Your girlfriend is ugly,your mustache is gay,your dog's fucking stupid,and
Bill scott's dumb


16. HARVEY KORMAN IS GAY

Harvey korman is gay


17. YOU FUCKING BREAK

You've got a fucking cleft palate-palate
And hair just like gene shalit-shalit
I wan't to hit you with a mallet
Your teeth are parted to the side-side
You've got a lazy eye-eye
Why don't you fucking hide
You're bowllegged and walk around like ray-ray
And skin just like m.j.-j
And you're so fucking gay
You hang around at barca's spa-spa
With a nose like jamie farr-farr
I wan't to hit you with my car

You fucking freak


18. THEME FROM THREE COMPANY

Watch the t.v. Show


19. JEANINE JIZM IS A FREAK

[Chorus:]
Jeanine jizm is a freak

Seth never wrote lyrics for the verses. On one of the verses he sang lyrics
From a "slinky" commercial. The other verse he sang lyrics from a "barrelhead
Root beer" commercial. During the slow part, he just screamed stuff.


20. EVERYONE IN ANAL CUNT IS DUMB

Is that scott and tim,or gilbert and lewis
I let them in the band,didn't know that they'd screw us
Mike mahan had no brains,tim has no spine
Fred's a fucking asshole,and paul would always whine

First we had a spic,a pollack,and a geek
Who'll play guitar for anal cunt next week
Seth's an alcoholic,tim can't play drums
Everyone in anal cunt is dumb

Fred had his hair in those stupid fucking braids
Tim has a kid,but he never gets laid
John dyed his hair,so we kicked him out of the band
Scott's got a dumb tattoo on his hand


21. I JUST SAW THE GAYEST GUY ON EARTH

He hangs around in allston,he always wears a tree shirt
His favorite band is roadsaw,he hangs out at the model cafe
He hangs out with toxic narcotic,he's got a tribal tattoo
His best friend is joe bonni,he's got his eyebrow pierced
He has purple dreadlocks,he works at herrell's ice cream
He wears an "allston rock city" t-shirt,i hope you fucking die


22. Johnny violent getting his ann kicked by morrisey

Johnny violent's fucking gay (x3)
Ultraviolence fucking sucks (x3)
Morrissey's gonna kick your ass (x3)
I'm gonna catch you
Johnny violent's fucking dead (x3)


23. METAMORPHOSIS

You both wear glasses,you both have bad teeth
You both have bad dandruff,good fucking grief


24. I'M SICK OF YOU

(No lyrics available)


25. HOWARD WULKAN'S BALD

Howard wulkan's bald
B-a-l-d bald


26. YOU'RE A TREADY FUCKING PUSSY

You always talk behind my back,but when i see you,you want to shake my hand
When i see you ready to fight,you change your story like i knew you might
You grew up wanting to be just like me,but i'm not cool in your clique
Anymore
I never changed with the trends like you did,so you're not allowed to like me
Anymore
You always do whatever's fashionable,and you hate me cuz i don't
You want to be everyone's friend,and you hate me cuz i won't
You're defending someone you barely know,you're such a fucking homo


27. TOM ARNOLD

Tom arnold
Tom arnold
Tom arnold


28. I GOT ATHLETES FOOT SHOWERING AT MIKE'S

[say the title a few times]


29. BIG PASTS. BIGGER LOSER

Big pants, bigger loser (x4)

You're such a fucking idiot
I want to fucking kill you
You want to look just like a nigger
So you wear pants 30 times bigger


30. MARC PAYSON IS A DRUNK

[Chorus:] marc payson,marc payson, marc payson is a drunk

At 8 am he has a beer,at 9 am he has a beer,at 10 am he has a beer,he's a
Fucking queer
At 1pm he has a beer,at 2 pm he has a beer,at 3 pm he has a beer,then he goes
To work

[Chorus]

He always shows up drunk to work,he always shows up drunk to meetings,he's
Always drunk around the house,i'm glad you got kicked out
What's up with your hairline,your saxophone is doing fine,you're 25 your kid
Is 9,and your father just died

[Chorus]


31. YOUR FAMILY IS DUMB



32. Furnace

Your cousins name is furnace, he's a fuking dwarf
Your cousins name is furnace, he's a fuking dwarf


33. YOU'RE DUMB

Youu've got a new t pass, just for retards
You've got sagging breasts that are very large
All over your wrinkled body, you've got lots of pimples
And you've got a greasy hair coming out of your nipple

Hey, you're dumb (x3)

You live with your parents, and your 31
You pay no rent, because you're a bum
You never clean your house, because you're depressed
And you've still got a goddamn hairy breast

Hey, you're dumb (x3)

You're going to san fransisco because you're gay
Your boyfriend must be really desperate to get laid
We'll always make fun of you, we'll never rest
And you still got a goddamn hairy breast


34. VAN FULL OF RETARDS

Van full of retards - ha ha ha ha
Van full of retards - you drool on yourself

You coulden't even win a bronze
In the special olympics
Your parents are ashamed
Of themselves and of you

[repeat 1st verse]


35. Deche charge are a bunch of fucking losers

You're a bunch of stupid little kids,you wanted to be just like us
You're mad because we wouldn't do a split 7" with you,you're mad because
We're on a label
Deche charge are a bunch of fucking losers
Your favorite drummer is charlie infection,i wanna punch your ugly little
Face in
You're a bunch of fucking losers,you don't know shit about anything


36. EVERYONE IN THE UNDERGROUND MUSIC SCENE IS STUPID

(No lyrics available)


37. DUMB, FAT AND GROSS

Rebekah is dumb-she's fat and she's gross (x2)

With a bagel,sandwich,ramirez,guy lombardo

Rebekah is dumb-she's fat and she's gross (x2)


38. I'M NOT STUBBORN

(No lyrics available)


39. MIKE MANAN'S STORY

Mike mahan's sty (x2)


40. 02657

You can grow a mustache overnight-down in 02657
You can see the village people everynight-down in 02657
Lenny takes his summer vacation-down in 02657
Liberace is your neighbor-down in 02657

Yeah!


41. GLOVES OF METAL (MANOWAR COVER)

Hear the pounding, army of the night
The call of metal summons us tonight
And gather we on this site
To behold the power and the might
We wear leather, we wear spikes, we rule the night

Off with the lights, hera the screams
See the banging heads awaken to their dreams
The sound of metal so loud it cracks the beams
Played by warriors called the metal kings
A hero's welcome to those who heed the call

We are together, we are all
With hands high, fists fill the air
Against the world we stand
Hands high forever we'll be there
Gloves of metal rule the night, yeah

Leather, metal, spikes and chains
Gloves of metal raised to show the brave
Into the darkness march the armies of the night
Bound by metal we live the fight
We wear leather, we wear spikes, we rule the night

With hands high, fists fill the air
Against the world we stand
Hands high forever we'll be there
Gloves of metal rule the night, yeah


42. BONUS TRACK

Can i help you?
Um, can i get some soundgarden tickets please
Yes!